I dodged death.

(I never know what to title my blogs either, Nikki).

Ok, I know I'm a day late past my promised update. But look how much better I'm getting, I've already blogged twice this week! (the bestie is really crackin' down on me, so I'm sure I will be frequenting the ole blogspot a lot more). Anyway, the excuse I'm using for my tardiness is that I couldn't lift my arms or use my fingers (not even to type!) yesterday.

Maybe that's a bit exaggerated, but I was insanely sore from my gym experience on Monday. Even this morning, waking up was hard, because I had pretty much solidified into place over night and had to endure about a minute of stretching and shaking before I could comfortably move.

Believe it or not, patience is not really one of my strong suits, so you can imagine how restless (and out of shape) I've been getting since I haven't been functioning at my full physical potential in 7 months. (My surgery was 7 months ago? That's crazy)! Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, and sometimes it feels like.. years ago, because I'm so much better off than I was, just a few short months ago.

Anyway, I've been anxious to get back in the gym. So, Monday morning, I woke up at 8:30 am (which is about 8 hours earlier than I've been waking up the majority of this break). It was hard to believe I actually responded to my alarm that early, especially because I was up FaceTime'ing until an ungodly hour of the night. (Where did that phrase come from - ungodly? If you figure it out, I'll give you extra credit. This one too: "Dress to the nines"). I'm very interested in where our phrases and words come from.

So, today, I feel the need to share with you... working out is HARD!! I am desperately trying to get back into shape after my surgery. (Okay, desperately thinking about trying to get back in shape). I think I can count on 2 hands the amount of stuff I've actually done physically, since my operation, because I was out of commission for so long. (When you can't lift a gallon of milk for months, and can't brush your hair or sit up on your own, your self-esteem and independence goes straight down). One of the physical activities I did try is what we call "The Gauntlet", which consists of running up my street, all the way to the water, and back, which is basically a 5k... and yes, it's as painful as it sounds. And when I say "up", let's not forget that I live in San Francisco, so I mean UP!!!

So, Monday I decided I wanted to hit the gym hard. I don't really know what it means to ease into something...with anything. When it comes to anything I've ever done, or liked, I just dive headfirst into it, pretty much immediately. (That is why, the very first physical activity I tried after surgery was the previously mentioned Gauntlet).

Sidenote: I was the only one in the Gauntlet group who didn't throw up on our venture. This will be important later.

And that is also why I decided to take the "Circuit Sensations" class Monday at 9:30 am...using 2 risers instead of 1, under my step, so I could have an "increased cardio experience."

Yeah, excuse me... WHAT was I thinking?! There were some parts during that workout where I actually thought I was going to die! (or at least throw up, and I have never thrown up during a workout. I have a pretty resilient stomach. It's only weakness is... other people throwing up).

So anyway, my stomach was reminding me that we only had 2 Eggos for breakfast that morning, (and we had them right before the class started, like.. as I was pulling into the parking lot), my chest and ribs were on FIRE, and my muscles were screamin'! But I tried my hardest stickin' it out 'till the end, despite my belief that I might pass out at any second. (It really is a good class though, and I can't wait until I'm back at my physical peak)!

And, after surviving circuits (woo, I survived!), I followed it up with the yoga class, to stretch out and meditate.

While I'm on this subject, I would seriously recommend yoga to anyone! There are so many different styles and you'd be surprised at how accessible classes are in every area. And it's amazing how much better I feel afterwards.

This particular class was very relaxing, and during certain poses I could feel my muscles softening and lengthening, and I could feel the physical stresses leaving my body. We meditated laying down, and the longer I laid there, and the more I cleared my mind, I could just feel myself melting into the floor, into complete and utter relaxation.

Then I left the gym, headed to Moe's and followed up my workout with a huge-ass burrito.

I love being a girl.

My day started out really great. I went to the gym and yoga (you will hear about this tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow for real. I really am trying to get better at this blogging thing). I felt good, as I usually do when starting and/or ending my days with yoga. However, about mid-day, a funk came over me, and I sat on the couch listening to music and getting lost in pages I was reading and writing, absolutely content in my lonesomeness. I started to get a little cranky, as it was time for me to re-enter the world I was mad at (my hearts and deepest condolences go out to the SPPD and those affected by today's shooting).

This is when I started takin' names. I was no longer a joy to be around, and if you had the UNpleasure of running into me today, you would have been best off seeing me at 11:30 am, because that was my peak. Just moments ago, I unleashed my internal fury on a close, unsuspecting friend. And then tried to apologize immediately after, but only did a mediocre job at it, because for some reason, I was still a little heated. About what? I couldn't tell you.

I thought it would be best for me to just go back into my little cave of solitude and silence, before ultimately grabbing a coffee from Starbucks (with a side of happy pills), and going to see a movie with my dear friends, who I miss terribly when I'm in SF.

However, on my venture home, I got a little misty-eyed. This is the emotional spiral that is inevitable for me. I can stay mad for whole minutes before I break down into a crying mess, trying to take all the blame for the whole world's problems. I tried snapping myself out of it, before the tears really got a'flowin, and it worked, (thank you, Katy Perry, for your catchy sing-alongs).

As I was pulling into my neighborhood, I drove past a cracked blue reflector on the street, and I LOST it! Completely broke down, crying, sniffling mess. (Now, this sounds stupid, but wait...). As I was driving, I thought this cracked blue reflector was a dead frog. The same frog I thought I ran over just days ago. I remember the bestie having to talk me down from that potential nightmare. "No, I'm sure you didn't hit it. You're fine. Don't think about it." He was right, because this "dead frog" was, like I said, a broken reflector.

But since I had been crying, because... something invaded my body today, making me the most sensitive person on the planet, (in the universe, maybe).. I kind of sniffled.. or inhaled too hard, and then started choking. This choking in turn, hurt my chest, because, you know... I hit the gym hard today.

So there I was, a sight to behold! Choking, crying, in my driveway, to R.E.M's "Everybody Hurts." (much like Dwight, in The Office).

For no. reason. at. all.

And now, as I'm typing this, I am laughing.

I just might be getting my monthly visitor soon.

for lack of a better post.

This is one of the first posts I've ever made, where I haven't written it out on paper prior to typing it, or had much of a plan for it at all. Again, it's been a long, long time since I last posted something, and I didn't follow through with the posts about my amazing friends, so stay tuned for that. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes I have a serious problem with following through with things. I'm adding that to my new year's resolutions, along with writing more and getting in shape after surgery.

I have so many things that have been on my mind lately. I'm really enjoying my time at home (oh, by the way, I'm visiting home!), but I have been doing SO much thinking and self-reflecting. Despite everything, there has been a lot of good that has come out of this. It's interesting hanging out with people who are so different from you, because you learn a lot about yourself in the process. I think I am finally getting to the place I've been trying to get to for a while, and I think this is a good thing, heading into 2011. I am feeling much more confident in myself and more motivated to do the good things that are filling up my head. And while I have taken a challenging and somewhat toxic approach to get there, I am close to feeling better about myself everyday. And I can't wait to get going on some of the things I have planned for the new year!

I hope everyone had a happy and safe new year! Congratulations to everyone who got some good holiday news and excitement! And I will be back from my rut soon.