Early Morning Motivation

It's been one of those months where I can't keep track of my brain. I'd like to commend it for being out in the world doing (or, at least thinking about doing) crazy awesome things. But I'd also like to welcome it back into my head, whenever it's ready. I know my screenwriting teacher is ready for another script from me, and well... I need my brain for that.

I don't really want to rush it, because I know it's out there, working hard and figuring out who we are (her and I), but sometimes I worry it's working too hard. Plus, I worry about it out there, spending so much time away from my body. We've got a pretty big checklist of things to get done ourselves, before we can start gathering new projects, and more unrealistic expectations of things we need to do, or who we need to be, in the next year.

So, for the short time being, while I'm actually connected with my brain (she should really have her own name by now... and let's hope she sticks around long enough for my midterm this morning), I want to take this time to remind us (me, and the others out there who, too, have lost their brains to what they think are bigger and better things)...that we really are good enough. For anything we want to be good enough for! I know this is hard to believe if you're like me and compare yourself to every living organism on this planet...but I promise it's true!

I get down on myself a lot for wanting, or wanting to do too many things. I never thought having too many wild dreams would be a bad thing, until I realized that there wasn't enough time in a day to be 50 places at once...and still pass all my classes. So, that is why I'm reminding myself now (and anyone who needs it), that WE ARE AWESOME!! We are awesome for even wanting to do so many things, and for tackling the things that we do, everyday!

So, we're full right now... One day, our lives will slow down a tiny bit and open up just enough for something new. And being full is not a bad thing...as long as you're full of things you love!

So friends, heed my warning:

DON'T JUDGE YOURSELF.

Be your best friend.

Love Yourself.

...or how can you expect anyone else to?

And there ARE people out there who want to love you. And they might not even know it yet.

Grab a hold of that brain of yours and show off what ya' got!

It's taken me a long, and rather painful road to get here (and posting a blog of early morning ramblings by no means makes me an expert, oorrr means that I'm cured of all my negative thoughts), but... I'm trying harder to love myself. So that I can welcome in love from others.

Sometimes when I'm being extremely hard on myself, I picture myself as Toddler-Me.

Like this:

Get a mental picture of you as a little happy baby kid. (I know I have a few).

And then I think.... "What did she ever to do you?"

And seeing me, with a toothless smile and sunglasses on, makes me feel a little bad for hating on myself as long as I did.

I thought I was a superstar then, why don't I now?

And while I honestly believe that the best things come out of me late PM/early AM, I still don't think it's a good sign when I'm still up writing (homework 1st, blog 2nd), when the roommates' alarms go off at 6:30 am, to go surfing...

So, I'll leave you with this, before my train of thought runs off it's tracks:

"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."

- Tony Robbins, is a best-selling author and motivational speaker. *

* taken from an excerpt from The Daily Love

People Pleasing.

Light sensitivity, dry eyes and blurred vision... all a result of an outdated lens prescription and nightly self-compelled sleep deprivation. I can't say that sleep is something I've been missing out on (so far) this summer, I've just opted for a nearly nocturnal lifestyle. I mostly blame my brain for it's incessant late-night thought processes. But it's understandable. I've had a lot to think about.

I am a glorified people-pleaser, and at the height of my quarter-life crisis, I am having to ask myself many questions like, "Who am I?" & "What do I want?", because these are topics I don't think I've fully addressed in a very long time.

What I want is often defined by the ones around me. Not because I don't have a mind of my own, or because I follow suit easily, but because...that's what I want: People around me. I've believed for so long that relationships (all kinds, not just romantic ones), are the most important parts of my life. I fully believe that famous Maya Angelou quote:

"People will forget what you said,

People will forget what you did,

But people will never forget how you made them feel."

I have been nearly obsessed with concepts similar to this one, for so long that it's come to the point where I don't allow myself any mistakes. And when I do slip up, I spend so much time hating myself that I forget to cultivate relationship #1: Self.

Oddly enough, that is something that has played a toxic component (and the downfall) in many of my relationships.

Mastin Kipp wrote on his amazing blog, The Daily Love, that

"Many times it's those closest to us whom we get angriest with (this is something I've always believed to be true) - for something they seem to be withholding from us. But, if we take a step back and look, my guess is that we'll see how we are actually withholding the thing we want most from them."

"What you see missing from the world is what you're withholding from it."

-Eckart Tolle

I'm in the process of backing up, to improve my relationships. There's no room in my heart for judgment and negativity, and now that they've entered my mind, I am closing up shop early, before they get too comfortable.

It was a rude awakening when I realized that the current of people-pleasing had drifted me so far past my beach blanket that I didn't know if I'd make it back there before sundown. It's not a good thing to feel lost in an ocean of discontentment.

Mastin Kipp also said:

"You may think being a people-pleaser makes you a 'good' person and is perhaps even a generous or loving way to be. But I strongly disagree. From my point of view, it's very selfish to be a people-pleaser. Why? Because being attached to pleasing others is really about YOU. You are the one who wants to be liked. You are the one who does not want to upset anyone. You are the one protecting yourself from confrontation. And you are the one who is choosing to withhold expressing who you TRULY are. And by doing all of those things, you are keeping Yourself, your Light and your Love from the world - and that is selfish."

My insecurity and fear have been running my life. Fear is stopping me from being me...or from figuring out who that is. And fear is prohibiting me from exploring other options for FEAR of what others might think of me.

And as Mastin says,

"The more you like yourself, the more pleasing you will be to other people."

I've never been one to blame others, but rather myself, for any shortcomings I've experienced in my life. These shortcomings are and what have been, what eventually helps me to grow the most.

A friend of mine, when noticing how often I apologize, told me that you only have to say sorry once, and then trust when the other person forgives you, that you are truly forgiven. This is one area of trust that I have a problem with. This mindset will help to ease my mind, once I grasp it.

I need to stop thinking, re-thinking and over-thinking past and future decisions of mine, and learn, love and live in the moment.

Wherever I am, I choose to be there fully.

Mastin Kipp talks about the seasons of our lives that we go through. Right now it's Summer and I'm in Winter. And that's okay. This is my period of rest and rejuvenation. Rebirth. I must go through this season to get to the next, where I will plant new seeds, and grow.

I'm not afraid for things to be different, I'm afraid for things to change.

But as Jason Mraz says,

"Do your best and forget the rest."

A few more of these positive sayings believed and embraced and I'll be on my way to having the time of my life.

I'm still working on everything. I'm by no means an expert...at anything. I am a student of life and I'm allowed to mess up. It's how we pick ourselves up after we fall down that defines our true character.

I think I'll continue writing about toxic topics I'm ready to let go of.

But for now, I think Jason Mraz is onto something with that whole "beginner" thing.

And it does make an awesome tattoo.

Thanks for listening.