thankfulness.

It's quiet and lonely on my street this Thanksgiving week. It's amazing how much comfort a peppermint brownie and pumpkin spice latte can bring. Lots of people went home for Thanksgiving, or traveled elsewhere for loved ones, and that makes me really happy. I think everyone should be able to spend Thanksgiving with their family and friends. We all get so busy, it's a nice excuse to get everyone together for dinner, and to hang out and catch up. In fact, on Thanksgiving day, I was talking to Alex's uncle's dad, and he said we need to plan a West Coast reunion, because as silly as it sounds, there are eight of us living in the SF Bay Area now and this is the first time we've seen each other in months...all year, unless rides to/from the airport count.

Everyone who's not home for Thanksgiving however, are consumed by school work and stressed to the max...which doesn't make me as happy. But, here's where I get to brag about my friends. They are all so incredible!! Such kind, hardworking, genuine, talented, honest and loving beings. We are all sensitive, emotional and crazy in our own right... and we are all beautiful.

The closer we get to the holidays, the more people I notice around me. I know this is silly, and that I should notice people around me all the time, but I'm human, and I try my best. There's just something about the holiday season that makes me look around more. Perhaps this is why I like it so much. Tonight, I had dinner with my lovely new friend Joseph. And after dinner, we gave our leftovers to this tiny, cute, homeless lady. Our first response when she came up to us, quietly asking a question we didn't really hear, was, "Sorry, we don't have any cash." (which was true). But this adorable little lady, in the cutest voice, said, "I'm not asking for money. Do you have any food?" and I was sooo happy that we had just eaten and could say "YES!" to that question. She looked up at us with puppy dog eyes (seriously!) and said, "God bless you", and then limped away. I got such a warm feeling in my heart from this encounter. And on my walk back home, I saw a man playing Christmas songs on his steel drum... something I've always wanted to do, but I feel like every year it comes faster than I can prepare for.

I feel like I have changed so much in this year-and-a-little-bit that I've been living in San Francisco...most of it for the better. I am becoming so much more in tune with myself, and eventually that will turn into better confidence, the more I push myself. I am finally able to verbalize thoughts and ideals that are important to me. And I am learning to love myself deeper than I'm used to.

I really need to step my game up with this blogging thing, because this whole "once a month" thing just isn't working for me. Soooo, I am going to piggy back off of Roxanne's lists, (people she's thankful for and her Quirks Project, in a way) to just brag about my amazingly wonderful friends a little more. Maybe they'll read it and believe me when I say "you really, truly are a beautiful person." And maybe they won't, but their goodness is just too good not to share, ya know?

I'm too busy for everything.

This is what I've been up to lately.

Notice my 2 giant friends in the back.

Yoga and Birds.

This year has definitely been one of the hardest years I've gone through in a while. Lots and lots and lots of changes. Some good, some that might not seem so good, but that will surely be for the best. There are many things that I'm uncertain about these days, and not many things that I know for sure, but I know I'm going to come around this chaotic curve of my life, and come out ahead.

I do Candlelit Yoga every Tuesday night, and it is probably the place where I feel most content. It is the one time I feel completely relaxed, completely me. I get so caught up in the daily grind, and with all the wonderful people around me, that I forget to internalize some of that positive energy and give it back to myself. And this idea of "just me" is something I'm going to have to get used to.

Our yoga room had been used for a photo shoot or something earlier, so we couldn't get into our cabinets that held our yoga mats, so we focused a lot more on meditation tonight. Being locked out of the cabinets was a blessing in disguise. I was worried about doing the stretches and everything on the wood floor, because it's hard enough for me to get comfortable on a soft bed, with my new body-hardware. But, a nice meditation was exactly what I needed tonight. It's funny how our minds work sometimes. I'd like to think of myself as a very positive person, but every now and then, my mind will jump to the negative thing first, because a lot of times, it's the easiest to see. Well, that's a lazy mindset, isn't it?

Tonight, my yoga teacher, Abby, told us to first, look at the good side of everything this week. When someone asks how you're doing, try and stop yourself before you say, "I'm ok, BUT.... I'm really stressed out," or something like that. Even if you are having a really "bad" day, find what's good about it. Even if it's just "I'm having a really good hair day."

I think about the idea of a "bad day" and I don't know if I want to believe in those. We're alive and breathing, right? We're healthy? Every day is a good day, under those conditions. Some things we just might not like.

Last week, Abby told us to take the "shoulds" out of our life. She challenged us to not say the word "should."

Not "I should go get my jacket," but rather, "I'm going to go get my jacket." Own it.

She said "shoulds" are other people's judgments, they're not from our voice. "Coulds" come from our own heads and hearts. And "coulds" are also more fun to think about.

"I could learn to play guitar." "I could paint a picture." "I could go to Australia." Try it.

We talked about desire, and our relationship with it. And how sometimes what we're looking for or what we want is right in front of us, but we're too busy looking for it, that we don't see it right away. But it's nice when we do finally see it, isn't it?

Well tonight, we had no mats and there was this loud, relentless drilling outside. The windows were closed to try and block the noise out, so the room was hot. "It's easy to meditate in a cave," Abby said. The challenge is to find that peaceful, meditative state even under more chaotic conditions.

So we meditated. We stretched. We thought. I thought about my friends, one in particular. I think about this person a lot, during yoga. I thought about all these cool things that have happened, that I never, ever thought would happen. I thought about all the things that are working out for me. And all the things I am going to overcome. I visualized myself overcoming them. I thought about how much stronger I'm getting every day. I became lost in these thoughts, until suddenly there was silence. I wasn't thinking about anything anymore. It was just me and my body, and I was present, and I was happy.

I moved my hands to my heart, my head, my lips. And when I opened my eyes, the drilling was done. And in it's place, there was a bird chirping. One little bird, singing it's heart out. At 9:30 pm. In San Francisco.

plodding along

It's kind of been so hard for me to adjust back into my San Francisco life. On the one hand, it feels great to be back. It feels great to see my friends here, especially the SF BFFs, Andrew and Lauren. And for the friends I haven't seen yet, I am looking forward to it. But on the other hand, everything feels funny. I don't think I was quite ready to come back yet.. I didn't feel like I had enough un-interrupted time in Florida. My surgery really took it out of me and there are so many things/people I would have really liked to soak up more while I was there. That being said, I was very blessed to have accomplished all the things I accomplished while I was down there, given the circumstances, and I can't really explain my sadness.

I've cried a lot in the past few months, but the other night was a doozy. I really think that having an animal here to cuddle and take care of, would help me a lot with my loneliness. In order to get approved, I'd have to see a therapist, and get their consent. I feel like I could make a pretty good case though.

I've been going to yoga every week. That's really nice. I might start going twice. And I've been trying to meditate more. It really helps in so many ways.

Today I went to see "Never Let Me Go" with Andrew. It was a beautiful film, I would definitely recommend it... but bring tissues, because it is one of the saddest flicks I've seen in a long time. Superb acting! Carey Mulligan is absolutely fabulous. And I love her hair!!

I've been watching a lot of stand up comedy. I'm going to start writing some acts here soon I think, Andrew said that by next summer I will be doing open mic nights. We'll see how that goes- I nearly had a heart attack the other day, when I had to sing in front of the class.

Tonight I had a lovely dinner at a small chinese place, with the sweetest asian staff ever. They comped my pot stickers, because they said that my meal took too long to come out, which it didn't. And their tea was just delightful.

Back from my hole x2

My world is falling apart around me.

I still retain that I love everyone and everything, and that I am extremely blessed.

More later... and I am very much looking forward to scrolling back through all the posts I've missed from you lovelies.

I am back from the hole I've been living in.

I can dive deeper into this topic at a later date, but for now, so as not to prolong my absence any more, I will report that my surgery went well. My stay/recovery in the hospital went...not so well. In fact, it was pretty miserable. But, nearly 6 weeks later, I have come out of the pain, depression and exhaustion this whole experience has caused me. While I am still trying to climb the ladder back to 100% recovery, I am doing much better than I was before. I'm still experiencing pain in my ribs and back, but I don't scream and cry every time I laugh or hiccup anymore. Coughing and sneezing still hurts, and surprisingly coughing hurts the worst these days. I am still pretty convinced that I have a broken rib somewhere in here, even though they assured me at my follow-up appointment that I did not. Here's to one day swimming, running and sleeping in a chair. More later.

Needless to say, I've had a lot of time to catch up on movies and books. I'm currently reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and I adore it! I can't wait to see the movie! I need to catch up on my Netflix list, but I have been frequenting the theaters lately. I saw Ramona and Beezus with Alex the other day, and it was ADORABLE. I'll probably go see it again with my mom. I wouldn't recommend this movie to any of my film school friends, 'cause they'd probably laugh at me, but to everyone else, I'd give it a two thumbs up! It made me laugh, it made me cry, it's everything I want in a movie. And it helped that everyone in the movie was SO freakin' cute!! Ramona was cast perfectly :) Some might recognize the ADORABLE Joey King from Quarantine, (also starring my "celebrity twin" Jennifer Carpenter), haha.

Yesterday I went to see a double feature with Momz and Alex. First, we saw Salt. WOW! I liked it so much. Angelina is such a BA, and this movie kept me thinking and second-guessing myself the entire time. I don't want to give anything away for those who haven't seen it, but there is a reason why, when I think "tough female lead in an action/adventure movie", I think Angelina Jolie. Then we saw The Kids Are All Right. This film was refreshing and original, funny and endearing, Mark Ruffalo is a hottie, but I still can't decide whether or not I'm completely satisfied with the ending. (For the record, Alex wasn't satisfied with the ending of Salt either, but I was okay with that one, haha).

Grads, Greeks and recent sadness.

Now, Post-Grad wasn't on "my list" per-say, but it just came out on payperview. I approached this movie in rather the same way I did about "I Love You, Beth Cooper", just kinda like... mehh. But, since I am usually a fan of Alexis Bledel's work (you can also find her in the tv show "Gilmore Girls", which I LOVE, and "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"), and since I have been feeling irrationally sad about everything lately, and was home alone, looking for something light and easy, I decided to give it a try. The movie is about a recent college graduate who has to move back in with her parents while she decides what to do next, and yadda yadda. In my opinion, it had a pretty cool cast (Michael Keaton, Jane Lynch and Carol Burnett also starred). And lest we forget Ryden (Alexis Bledel)'s best friend Adam, played by Zach Gilford (ADORABLE!), and her hot Brazilian neighbor Rodrigo Santoro.

I wasn't a fan of Ryden and her hot Brazilian neighbor, David's meet cute... well, not the second one at least. I liked the pancakes part, not the cat part. (How about that for a cliffhanger?!) But it did make for entertaining talks with Andrew.

I was emotionally moved from one scene to the next, but let's be honest here.. I'm a sucker for rom-coms!

NEXT.... Get Him to the Greek!

Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot to share on this movie, because it's still in theaters, and I'm sure a lot of people are planning on going to see it, so I don't want to give anything away....aaaand because I took a nap somewhere in the middle, so I'm missing a rather large and important chunk of the movie. I will say that there were some good one-liners, and some cool editing effects/camera work. It was not the funniest movie of 2010, but if you're looking for something goofy with a positive "universal truth" and guaranteed happy ending, this just might be the movie for you.

Ok, now I hate complaining (unless it's about something funny that I can make jokes about), but I also think it's important to own your feelings, and be honest witcha yo'self. So, I'm doing my best to find the humor in this situation. I mentioned above that everything has been making me irrationally sad, but it's really true. The past couple days I have cried about so many things, it's crazy. Like, even silly things.. and combine that w/ the fact that I haven't been too keen on how things have been going this past week, and it's an ugly combination. It reminds me of when T.O.M was here a while ago and I was so emotional that like, I would cry when I was hungry or something. It was like I digressed back into baby-form and my only form of communication was tears. This time, T.O.M is not a factor, so my only idea as to why I'm bordering on depression (not really), is perhaps because of my surgery? The countdown is at 5 days. The closer we get to that date, the worse I feel. And that, my friends, is why I will be spending the weekend at Disney! What's the best cure for utter sadness? A trip to the happiest place on Earth, of course!

Movies.

I posted a note on my Facebook asking for movie recs. I need to watch more movies, being a film student and all. And since I'm going to have a lot of recovery time on my hands this summer, I feel like now's the perfect time to start. I figured I'll watch as many as I can, and then recap my thoughts here.

#1. Shutter Island.

Going in, I had heard mixed reviews about this movie. It seemed like people either loved it or hated it. My thoughts? I liked it very much. Normally, I'm not for horror/thriller things, but this one didn't give me nightmares. The crazy lady who shh'd us in the trailer and the film, still freaked me out... but other than that and a few small jumps (that, and cuddling Allie, my movie watching buddy and her new puppy under a blanket), I faired pretty well.

Let's talk technical. The lighting in this movie was incredible! I was so inspired. And Leo's performance of course, as always, was amazing! I would definitely recommend this movie to people, even if they already know what happens at the end. I knew the ending coming in (from hearing/seeing people talk about it), and it didn't ruin my watching experience in the slightest.

Let's talk movies... and anything else!

Flo-rida

I'm baaaack!

So far, my visit back to Florida has been mixed with some awesome experiences and some not-so-awesome experiences. I'm trying to clear my mind of the bad ones, and only focus on the good times to come. We'll see how that goes.

Um, what else?

Oh. I really need a job. Really, really need a job. So that I can pay rent this summer. Because I have $0 now. But it has to be a job that's okay with me taking a couple weeks off for my surgery...which by the way, is in 22 days.

Felt like I should check in. It's been a while. My legs are also "heeeella" sunburned.

That's a little San Fran lingo for ya...with an Andrew twist. (Because I'm watching The Office and they keep showing Angela's cats). I miss my SF best friend.

Florida tomorrow!

Back to Florida tomorrow! Back to this guy (among many others)!

:) can't wait!!

Where does the time go?

Really, I want to know. It just gets sucked into oblivion the moment I take my eyes off of it.

Summer's coming up...and we're all going home soon. When did this happen?

This is bittersweet for me. Last semester, I was sprinting to the airport, the night my last class got out. This time, I don't leave for 5 days after my last class. It'll be good to be home and see everyone again, and hug my mom and my dogs and cats. But I am falling more in love with California every single day, and I have met some truly amazing people out here, and I'm not sure I'm ready to leave all that just yet. There are so many people I have met recently that I wish I met earlier in the semester, so we could have been hanging out more. So, here's to more fun adventures next semester!

I'm also not stoked on going home, because I have to get surgery. A few months ago, it seemed like I had a really long time to gear up for this day. But now, my first pre-surgery appointment is in 10 days...and that starts my journey. I joke around about this A LOT because I like to laugh about things that truthfully terrify me to the endth degree.

The good news about going home, besides seeing all my FL friends and family: I have a huge list of things I want to watch, read, experience and accomplish. I'm really excited to jump into that, and learn more about myself and what I want, in the process.

There's 2 great things about this photo.

1. Making movie magic with good friends

2. Bob's Donuts

Shopping is for GIRLZ.

Shopping isn't nearly as fun to me as other girls make it seem. I like the idea of shopping, and of course, I like cute clothes, but the whole shopping process is just so damn annoying. I usually avoid this process altogether, which is perhaps why half of my wardrobe has holes or stains.

But the other day, I had to go shopping. I needed an outfit for The Vagina Monologues performance...and being the practical shopper I am, I went out to search for a dress. A dress that could double as an outfit for the show, AND an outfit for Alex's cousin's wedding coming up. And anyone who knows me well, knows that I also don't own many dresses...and if I own them, they rarely make an appearance. For the wedding, I need like 5... Five!!!!!!

For Vagina Monologues, I needed an all-black outfit, with accents of pink if we so desire. I realized that day that I didn't own anything black, except for two tank tops and a shirt that said, "Love is my Religion" on it. Furthermore, I needed to wear something that was "me". Well... the day my director told us to incorporate our own stylistic flair into our outfit, I was wearing rolled up jeans, hemp sandals and a dinosaur shirt that said, "Hear me Roar!" on it.

So, needless to say, I wasn't planning on channeling "me" on my shopping venture, but rather, Victoria Beckham.

Now, since I don't hit the mall very often,

when I do go shopping, I tend to be pretty picky, because I really want to be in love with the

stuff I buy. This particular day, I was looking for a black dress, preferably with a thick strap over one shoulder, and pink high heels.

But you know, anything really.

And all for a low price? For those of you who have been shopping in San Francisco, you'll know that "a low price" is hard to come by. But you can get lucky if you know where to go! I however, do not know where to go, and since I only window-shop, I don't see many price tags.

I started at H&M, because that's where I always start. (I had to buy an outfit for a photo shoot a few weeks ago and I started at H&M then too). In fact, when I came back from that particular shopping trip, I gave my friends and roommates specific instructions to never let me shop alone again...because I truly suck at it! Glad they took my advice, because I was alone on the hunt, once again.

I perused H&M for a bit and then left, without trying anything on. That's another thing about me... As much as I have to psych myself up to go out shopping, I have to psych myself up even more to actually try anything on, and it usually takes me a few warm-up stores to "get in the

mood".

I moved to the mall next. The mall here is HUGE!

Like 8 stories - 5 stories of just Nordstrom and Bloomingdales. Everything is at least 2 stories here. Macy's is 5. In the mall, I always feel like I pass the same stuff 18 times, and there's so many things I have yet to find...I just get so lost in there.

I walked around the mall for like an hour, popping in and out of stores, trying nothing on, and then I got hungry. I took a break and went to my favorite Korean BBQ place. After that, I took another break and got a cookie cup from Mrs. Field's.

Now, back to dress shopping...

Bebe, Express, Cache, Fcuk, Bloomingdales, BCBG....

And the entire time, my outfit just screamed, "Point me to the bargain rack!"

I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman...and I almost wanted someone to judge me so I could

say, "Big mistake. Big. HUGE!" and walk out of the store, carrying thousands of dollars of merchandise.

I went into a store I had never been into before. That was a mistake. I was greeted as soon as I touched something, which is always a bad sign. The lady said things like, "Let me know how I can make your day better" and "Are you looking for anything in-particular?" I didn't see any black dresses in that store, so I thought that would be a safe bet to get out of there.

"Actually, I'm looking for a black dress, so..."

This lady shuffled about the store in a frenzy, and came back with about 15 black dresses...I still have no idea where she found them all.

Long story short, I was trapped in there forever. I was standing in the dressing room, with $200+ black dresses covering the walls, while the ladies working there were outside the door, absolutely enthralled with me. And not in the "Let us know if we can get you anything" kind of way, but in the "Come model for us! Let us see all the dresses on you! We're all best girlfriends!" kind of way.

This completely killed my first idea of sitting in the dressing room for what I thought would be an appropriate allotment of time to try on 15 dresses, and then leave, saying... "Not really what I was looking for, but thanks." or something like that. But I wasn't getting off that easy. The ladies wanted a show, so I squished myself into these dresses, so I could give them one. (They guessed on my size, and some fit perfectly, and some... well, some didn't fit at all).

They even brought me these shoes to try on with the dresses, because "it's easier to see how you like a dress, while you're wearing a pair of cute heels." That was actually true, and it's a shopping tip I plan on carrying with me on future endeavors. The shoes were pretty cute too. It took me a minute to negotiate the bow around to the back, only to be told it's meant to be on the side, but other than that, they were pretty cute...and comfy! However,

I hadn't seen a price tag yet, so I wasn't about to get attached.

I think the only way to give this dressing-room story justice, is to have videotaped it and posted the video. I was an unkempt, shopping hater, trapped in a room with a 3-way mirror, while two very pretty women fawned over me, telling me how great I look, when really I knew I looked like a witch in this hideous black dress, with bags under my eyes, standing under very unflattering lighting.

The only way I got out of there alive was by telling them I had to be at rehearsal in 15 minutes, and by putting a $230 black dress on hold, (which very closely resembled a plaid number I have in my closet that I bought at Target for 20 bucks).

I left the mall and walked around aimlessly for a little bit, and then I saw Macy's. I knew I had to go in there, because I couldn't give up. It was the only free day I had to get an outfit. I feel like I say this a lot, so once again, "it was crunch time!"

Something spectacular happened in Macy's...I found shoes.

Perfect, pink shoes. They were surprisingly comfortable too, which is a major plus (requirement really), because, I don't really do high heels. But these, I loved. I walked around in front of the mirror in Macy's for quite some time...and for a second, I was pretty sure I fell in love. I wanted to start singing and dancing... "Shoes. OMG, shoes!"

Without checking the price tag, I bought them. The cute man behind the desk cheered, "They're on sale!" I wanted to tell him, "I wouldn't really call that a sale, sir"... but I bought them anyway...because they were perfect.

This was the day I experienced my first shopping high, since the outlet mall shopping spree I had with my mom when I was 9. (We went back to our hotel and I tried on all my new clothes again, jumped on the bed and watched the Three Stooges).

When I hit the Junior Prom section of Macy's, it was like I hit the dress jackpot! I don't know why I was spending so much time in expensive, rich adult stores...they are so not the place for me!

I belong in the kids section.

Anyway, I bought three.

(I wore the 2nd one for Vagina Monologues, because my character alter-ego for one piece was a Janis Joplin/Joss Stone combo, and that was the "funkiest")

And when I walked out of there, carrying my bags, after what was looking to be a discouraging day of shopping, I could understand what all the fuss was about.

And even though it's probably not going to happen again for a long time, this was the day, I for a second, came to (somewhat) enjoy shopping.

Big, little day

Today was a big day for me.
I went into the scary basement BY MYSELF to do my laundry.

I went to Bite for my favorite sandwich again...I'm addicted.

It's always a good day when the little store next door has Mango Tango Odwalla in stock :)

Vagina Monologues was sold out last night and tonight's supposed to be even more packed!

Everyone did an amazing job, and I can't wait for tonight!

The best news? I'm making new friends all the time.

I get happier every single day.

Jillian Michaels obviously never went to film school.

I tried Jillian, I tried! I'm not giving up on you...I'm simply putting you off for a little bit.

To be honest, I don't really have the time or energy to update right now, but I haven't written in quite some time, because I've been too busy, so I figured that my two whole followers deserve a small dose of Destini.

Let me give you a little taste of what my life has been like the past couple weeks, and what it's going to be like for the next four. It has been a non-stop filming party! On Friday, I had a film shoot in Berkeley, CA 10am-5pm, then I came back and had a meeting with my new director friend. Saturday, I was busy the entire day, leading up to another film shoot in Burlingame, CA from 5:30pm-4am. I had previously been asked to take over a spot in another film shoot in Golden Gate Park today, when multiple people bailed on a guy I know. The shoot was scheduled from 7am-7pm, with a three hour break in the middle 12-3 when I had to run to the sound labs and mix sounds for my upcoming film. At about 5:30am, I realized agreeing to that was a horrible, horrible mistake and I too backed out. I felt horrible about it, even though I shouldn't, because I was the only one with a good reason for backing out... I literally couldn't open my eyes. I would have probably pushed myself to go, despite utter exhaustion, except that this week is also going to be extremely busy, climaxing with my performance in Vagina Monologues at the end of the week (pun intended).

I regretted not committing more to Jillian like I had planned, yesterday/this morning at the shoot, when I spent the majority of my screen-time in a bathing suit. But honestly, how does she expect me to squeeze her in with this crazy schedule I have? I'm planning on going back to the gym tomorrow... so little by little, I'll work her back into my life.

I'm not a violent person, but there's a lot of people I feel like punching these days.
Well, not really. I would never do that, but a lot of people are trying to fight me and when I get mad, I only threaten violence.
"I will punch you. I will dropkick you. I will cage-fight you. I will light you on fire."
But of course I would never do that.

I do however, have a lot of anger to unleash...and screaming a bunch of times (in character) in that film yesterday felt reeeeally good. I'm thinking about joining a kickboxing class or something when I get back to FL for the couple weeks I have free before my surgery.


Plus side: I've met a lot of really cool people lately, and I'm already excited for next semester!

Jillian Michaels: Day One.

I decided that with summer and my surgery coming up, and since I will basically be spending my entire recovery time at the beach, I need to look hot doing it! So, I went out and bought Jillian Michaels' book, "Making the Cut". It teaches you about nutrition, and walks you through a rigorous diet and exercise plan. She says that if you follow this book to the letter, you could lose 20 pounds in 30 days. I'm not trying to lose 20 pounds, but I am trying to get a 6 pack, so this book will work wonders on me too. Now, I am no stranger to working out, but I am accustomed to eating whatever I want, whenever I want, with few consequences, so this will be an interesting month.

After a few days of being too busy or tired, and saying, "I'll start tomorrow," I finally bit the bullet today. Here's basically how that went down.

I don't feel comfortable disclosing too many details from the book, because I'm not sure Jillian would appreciate me taking away her sales by making her information public. So, I'll just tell you this: It was HARD...but awesome. 50 reps of this, 50 reps of that, 5 different circuits with like 5+ exercises in them...and a 30 second break in between each circuit. When you're done with all that, 15 minutes of extra cardio. At times, I felt like I was going to cry and scream "I hate you Jillian!" But I toughed it out and it is going to be SO worth it!

I stayed true to her vision, including my allotted 30 second break times. I worked really hard and did all of the exercises, and did them right! Well, um, all but one that is. "Squat thrusts" - Alex, (who is doing this with me too) and I thought that we knew what that meant. Squat thrusts sounds easy enough to comprehend. Well, we didn't do them right. Not at all. A squat thrust, for those of you who don't know, looks a little something like this.

The way Alex and I decided to "Squat Thrust" IN the middle of the gym, looked a little something like this.

Needless to say, tomorrow I'm going to look at Jillian's exercise example pictures a little better.

Here's what my arms look like thus far:

Right now, it's late and I am starving and sore. I've already eaten dinner, and since then, I've been trying to tide my body over with water...and by promising it we will eat again tomorrow.

Alex told me that "Jillian Said" I wasn't allowed to eat triscuits at nighttime, resulting in our newest addition to theeee... Quoteboard!

"Don't tell me what to do or I'm going to get another cardio workout in when I beat your ass!"

- yours, truly

Bad Wednesday Turned Good.

Hey friends,

The next set of stories I have for you is from a random compiling of events over the past few days.

The first is regarding the documentary project that I mentioned hating here. Good news friends, my view on documentaries has once again changed for the better. I was literally at the end of my rope with this project. I tried up until late Tuesday night (the project was due on Wednesday) to get a back-up plan. My Motion Picture Language teacher, God bless her, invited me to her graduate class on Tuesday night because they were having a woman come in for an interview, and to film her, for her website. She is a rocket scientist and has created 90,000 scholarships! (Many benefitting girls in China). That's incredible. I don't have a whole lot of information on her unfortunately, because I always have 1,000 things to do.

Tuesday night, after my two classes, I also had rehearsal. I haven't really mentioned this yet, but I auditioned for the Vagina Monologues and got a part! I'm really excited for it. I'll write more on that later, I've got a few funny stories about my audition experience and whatnot. So anyway, I had rehearsal and I suck at saying goodbye or asking to leave early from things, and I'm all about sticking to commitments (on a first come, first serve basis)... and, I'm also very loyal and never want to disappoint anyone. So, I stayed for the whole rehearsal which I thought was the best decision, (while occasionally checking the time, or nervously sweating, hoping my teacher wasn't waiting for me), and then I ran up there after rehearsal around 9pm. My teacher was just like "Oh hey!" and everyone in the class (at least the ones that talked to me) were immediately super friendly and helpful. One guy even gave me his phone number and his card. So profesh. Well, to make this unnecessarily long story short, I don't have much information on the magical interview lady, because I only caught the tail-end of her interview...and it was in Mandarin.

I made plans with my teacher to come to her graduate class again next week, for another interview with someone new, and I might even go to the week after that too, because that week's lady sounds fascinating. Have I mentioned how awesome and accommodating my MPL teacher is? She does so many wonderful favors for me, and gives me so many suggestions, that one day, one of my blog entries might be solely dedicated to her.

So, originally I was going to Georgia's graduate class for last-minute documentary footage that I could turn in for my Editing class, but now I'm just going for fun. WHY? Because friends, I DID film and edit something and I DID have something substantial to turn in on Wednesday! I filmed a short "documentary/mockumentary" on how my actual documentary failed. And while I thought it was clever and funny, I really wasn't expecting my Edit teacher and class to feel the same way. And they did! Well, sort of. They thought it was sad, which wasn't what I was going for, but I could see that. But they liked it, so that's all that matters! And I got permission to run with this idea, so it's going to hopefully be hilarious and awesome when I'm done with it for next week. Alex's documentary was a success too!

From there, my Wednesday just got better and better and better and better. Alex and I went to "Taco Night" with Kevin from our Edit class and Michael from his Sound class, at Kevin's girlfriend Jennifer's apartment. That, in and of itself was fantastic! But wait...

Plus side #1: Jenn has a cat! An incredibly cute, furry feline...with a Star Wars name! (Just like one of my kitties back home, Yoda). I've been so deprived of animal lovin' out here, I was ecstatic!

Plus side #2: Jenn's roommate, Jessica, is in pastry school!

Seriously...does it get any better than that? And she even brought home a delicious treat that we all got to taste. Jenn and Kevin told me to follow her blog for photos and cooking stories. Her blog looks so yummy! Roxanne, I thought you'd be particularly interested in her.

I said I was moving in. They think I'm kidding. I've always lived my life with the motto "All you need is a cat and a pastry", so it makes sense for me to be there.

Then, after taco/pastry/cat night, I came home late. I was the last roommate in, which was a tiny accomplishment for me, because that's hardly ever the case. I checked my facebook, thinking, "Do I really need to do this now?", and I'm SO glad that I did, because I had a message in there from a photography major at my school, asking me to be in a photo shoot she's doing. She said that she was really hoping I was interested, because she thought I'd be perfect for it! This was like the icing on the cake to what surprisingly turned out to be a great day! I emailed her back saying, "Um duh!?", but nicer, and I'm set to do that photo shoot next week. The best part is that these photos are going to be part of an art display in a cafe on Sutter street, and they're on sale! I could be in someone's living room! And just like the ticket sales from Vagina Monologues, the proceeds from the art show will go to benefit La Casa de las Madres, a non-profit organization, helping women and children affected by domestic violence.

I could not be more excited about all of these upcoming events and opportunities. Almost as excited as my friend Lauren was in Sports Authority today, when she spent hundreds of dollars on exercise equipment. Most of her purchases made sense. All but one. The "virtual jumprope". It's called "Cardio Jump". And it's a jumprope...without the rope. Does that make sense to anyone? (If you are a firm believer in "Cardio Jump", please educate me further and I will retract my statement). Because I'm like, what's the point of a rope-less jumprope? Why don't you just jump for free? She said it's more fun this way and has yet to tell me how much she paid for it. As silly as I think this purchase is, I can't even be mad at her for buying it... It's the creators of this product that I want to talk to. What was the idea here?

Easter and upcoming greatness

I hope everyone had a truly great Easter! =)

This was the first year that I didn't have a really happy, Eastery feeling or an overall good day. Maybe it's because this is the first year that I haven't done family stuff at my Grandma's or been around my family at all. Even Alex and I didn't do our usual Easter tradition. Instead, we took turns sleeping all day and rose occasionally for various technologies. Him, the tv, and me, the computer, where I tried to be halfway-productive, but ended up swapping hilarious online videos with Andrew periodically...throughout the whole day. My mom sent an Easter box out here with chocolate and goodies in it for me, Alex, Dre, Andrew and Lauren...and I was so thankful for that, because it made me feel like home, and she sent stuff for all of us, because she is so sweet. My mom and I have been iChatting lately too, which is really great.

Poor Alex, him and I are both stressed to the core, and though we hide it pretty well from others, the stress-claws come out around each other far too often. It's been hard to separate work and school and stress, from home...so we're working on that.

It's really important to remember how blessed we all are. Easter is a perfect day for this...to really think about how lucky we all are.

I know that I am a really lucky person, but sometimes I think we all forget, myself included. I thought it might be helpful to get out all the stuff I've been stressed/worried about lately, and counteract it with a positive. Because there's always a positive side to things, though you may not realize it at the time.

- SCHOOL.

+ I'll have a degree soon(ish) and be on my way to the film biz, which I love.

- DOCUMENTARY (and it's many failed attempts).

+ I have a new idea now, that I will either get applauded for my last minute attempt...OR it will just go up in flames. BUT, if the class laughs at all, I'll be good.

- $$$$$.

+ It could be worse.

- SURGERY.

+ Yeah, that just sucks. But... it's in the summer...so that's the good part! Summer in Florida, definitely looking forward to a break. (no pun intended...as they break me open).

Also, lots of good things are coming up.

wedding(s), roadtrips/airtrips, my performance, end of the semester (in 7 weeks!), family, friends, food and fun... FLORIDA! =)

It's no secret how much I love music. All kinds. One thing I love about music, aside from it's ability to fit my every mood, is that I don't think there's anyone on the planet who would say, "I don't like any type of music. At all." It's a universal uniter, and probably the only thing that does such. Anyway, since moving out on my own across the country, I have become even more attached to the power of music. Another surgery plus side? I'm seriously considering learning guitar and/or jumping back into my piano "roots" and trying to dabble in the songwriting business with Alex. (This might also get me into gear for the voice class I'm taking for my minor in the Fall).

Music is constantly playing in my apartment and a song that came on my last.fm playlist today which I thought fit perfectly to this post was Danny Gokey - My Best Days are Ahead of Me.

Definitely check it out, if you haven't heard it already... it's such an uplifting song.

That's a taste of what's to come. More later.

- Des

#@$!-umentary(s)

The most recent story I have to share with you involves documentary filmmaking. Now, many other film friends I have talked to, both in SF & FL, have been far less than thrilled with the documentary process, saying things like..."I hate documentaries."

I was actually really looking forward to filming mine. I was the first one out of my little support group to have an idea. A really, really good idea.

This is the story of how, I too, grew to hate the documentary...at least for right now.

It all started at 5 am on the Tuesday of Spring Break. (Some people...Andrew Blackman...would argue that my day began at 6 am, but when I'm in bed and can hear you moving all around my apartment, talking about pouring coffee on me to wake me up...I don't think that really qualifies as sleeping). Although, that might just be the sleep-deprivation talking, since I had gone to bed at 3 or 4 am the same morning, before the epic journey.

When I woke up, Andrew had a cup of coffee for me. He's so sweet! (This backfired later). It was free pastry day at Starbucks, so naturally we hit that up too, before we set off on our mission to film Alex's documentary in the woods somewhere across the Golden Gate Bridge, down (BUT first UP... way, way up these scary mountains!) by Stinson Beach. About halfway up this cliff, Andrew had to pull over , because I was pretty sure I was going to throw up...and Alex was not far behind me on that. (This was the backfire I was talking about).

I don't want to give his documentary away yet or anything, before it's finished, so here's what I'll say... and it basically sums up mine and Andrew's portion of the adventure:

There were bees everywhere! We all had to pee outside! Poor Andrew got poison oak! =(

But, you know... it was more fun than I gave it credit for at the time. It was exhausting, but fun(ish) and Alex is a rockstar! (...and Andrew got one on the way home).

That was part one.

Now, for part two. My original idea involved pit bulls. That unfortunately fell through. I'm going to re-visit it at some point, because it's very important to me, but it's too late to do for my rough cut that's due on Wednesday. (Cue mini-panic attack). So, I need a backup plan... and here's what I've got so far: Nothin'!

Well, that's not entirely true. I started brainstorming yesterday in class:

I came up with a few ideas, like...

- A documentary on Andrew's documentary

- "You Just Got Got!" (via Bryant Nardozzi)

- My chances of getting on American Idol

...yeah, well they get worse as they go on, so I'll spare you the rest.

Tomorrow starts my weekend of nonstop filming... something. I'll let you know how all this works out... and if you have any suggestions for me, please share!

- Des

Well hello.

It's April 1. #1. I figured that'd be a good day to finally start this.

After reading my auto-bio and performance reflections, my acting teacher told me I should start writing more. Hope this means I'm just a good writer and not a bad actor. ha..haha...

Well, I had rehearsal for an upcoming performance tonight, so I must be doing a little something right. (We'll learn more about this later).

So, I started a blog. A blog with comment capabilities. Because I want 'em. Just sayin'.

There's been something that's a little off about me this semester. Not sure why, but that's why I'm here. I've had to work through a lot of conflicting feelings lately and I made a resolution at the start of the year that 2010 was going to be all about meeee, first and foremost. (This isn't selfish of me...and it includes charity work and good deeds, because those are things I like to do.)

I've been stepping so far out of my comfort zone these past few months and I am ready to share my stories with you! (whoever "you" may be)... and hopefully gain some more confidence (and comedic material) along the way, so that I'll continue to have more wonderful experiences and more stories to tell!

So, get ready readers! (if there are any of you...)

It's going to be a fun and (hopefully) hilarious ride!

-Des